Hmm over it.

So now I've gotten used to blogging. My tmi problem seems solved if I put it all on here. Except of course if the people I write about start reading this. That could get awkward really fast. Basically though it is awesome to have an outlet to complain or brag on without judgment. It really is. Mostly I complain though let's be honest.

That being said I wanna complain for a minute. My ex finally responded to my brilliantly eloquent letter that although fueled by wine was full of truth and courage. That being said it was an enigma of a response. It was devoid of any real emotion and didn't really address anything at all. Well with one exception. He admitted I was correct about the biddy he cheated on me with. He also admitted they had hung out. But he didn't address the whole posting on her wall when he was probably drunk and what not. That's fine though, it's not like I had to rub it in that after I told the one guy (my rebound ex) how bad he was in bed he keeps trying to get me to give him another chance. And that I'm rejecting him. Literally wanted to reward myself the other day for it because the dude has hot body if nothing more. (side note about this... I have always had a theory that super hot guys or guys with wicked hot bodies aren't any good in bed because they never had to be. This theory was proven by this guy. But also I have anonymous friends who would also account to this) anyways, I also didn't tell him that I shut down my other ex and even accidentally called him by the cowboys name. Hilarity ensued. But needless to say I rejected that fella too. I am proud of my self control, but also none of these guys were good enough to begin with and I guess the cowboy helped me realize this. Additionally, I guess I should even clarify that when my boulder of a friend came to visit, he slept on the couch only. At one point he even confessed deeper feelings. I still did not act on them. Obviously I did not reciprocate and thus instead of becoming the maneater I formerly was I simply said no. I'm quite proud of myself. Anyways that was a random tangent... Back to his letter. It was one of the letters, like so many conversations, that had many points brought up but no resolution to anything. Like let's bring up the awkward goodbye in our conversation and then change the subject. Or we can bring up how we dont want to hurt each other, but I'm sending you this pointless email. I mean that's probably a bit harsh. I don't think the email was trying to hurt me. On the contrary, I think he was trying for more closure. I could feel the love in the email (nah that's a lie) but I couldn't feel the hate at least like that last phone call. I guess im just thankful that he took the time to respond even if he didn't address anything that I said. that was not the point of my email anyways. My email was to clear my conscience, to make sure nothing was left unsaid. I loved the cowboy more than I ever loved anyone and I don't want his opinion of me to be jaded by how things ended or my reactions to them or worse what he assumed I did when it was all over. I want nothing in the world but happiness for him. I hate that our paths are not eternally linked as I once thought they would be (seriously I thought he would father my children) but I guess it's a circumstance we take what we can get and if a little less than a year was our time than I gotta be thankful for everything I learned. Additionally, I really wanna be selfish now. I have so much to accomplish in my life and I really can't wait to do it all.

One of the things he said was that he wasn't dating anyone and wasn't trying to date anyone. My immediate reaction was wow that's brilliant. Why didn't I think of that. Like honestly it saddens me that I immediately started looking for someone to replace him when he's irreplaceable and the fact is I don't need anyone. (I think that when your heart breaks, thats kind of where your head goes... even if it doesnt make sense.) Yes I have plenty I exboyfriends but my singledom has never been the kind that brought me down. I won't deny I love being in love. But honestly I love me. I love my friends and family. I love a lack of responsibility towards a male. I also love doing things for me. Working out and applying myself to look good for me is such an empowering feeling.. It saddens me that so many women forget that. But anyways I guess this is time to wrap it up. And if you are reading this ( one of you three hah) try to remember to love like you have never been hurt.