Not ok.

For a while I was pretty upset about the whole thing. I romanticized our relationship to certain extremes then I came to my senses. I just remembered the crazy shitty things he had done. He cheated on me. Like told another girl that they should give it a shot right before I flew up to NYC for his birthday with a watch that costs about a weeks worth of pay and everything. Oh and they "just kissed" hmm that's the same thing he said about his relationship with his "best friend" I believed him all along but why? I mean if he can lie to me about doing it, he could easily lie to me about what it is. Especially sine there were only two promises I made him make when it came to us staying together. He would never be in contact with the girl again and he would never tell his "best friend" about it. He's done both. In fact he's added the girl he cheated on me with back on Facebook and wrote on her wall about hanging out because he clearly wants to hurt me. It's funny because although it angers me, it doesn't really hurt. It hurt when he lied and said he didn't love me anymore. It hurt when he told me there was tons of stuff that he had been lying about for a while. It hurt when I had to tell him that I slept with my ex as a result of our breakup. It hurt when he took every last thing of his from my house and didnt pick me up from the airport. But this? No it doesn't hurt. It reiterates my choice to be done. I've had second, third, fourth, and fifth thoughts about it. In an ideal world we never would have done these things to each other. But in an ideal world he would never ask to put it in my ass in what was obviously a lack of respect for me anymore (I said no). I'm not sure why he thinks now things are gonba hurt me more. I poured out my soul in a really awesome letter. He didn't respond, predictably so. But I really don't think I said anything to make him act hurtful. My guess is I was too honest. He knew all too well how I feel and he didn't like it. I mean the two friends I let read the letter both cried so there's that. I guess his response is to be aggressive and rude and hateful. I mean in all actuality this is the first time since the breakup that I have honestly thought I could never see him again and that would be okay. Maybe he's trying to help? Who really knows. All I know is he doesn't get to peer I. My life anymore. He can't check my Facebook if im not on Facebook. He can't read my twitter if he doesnt have one and he definitely doesn't have a link to this. So that being said, it wa great while it lasted but these true colors make me overjoyed that it's done.